Isn't The World Big Enough For More Than One All Dwarf Kiss Tribute Band?

Apparently not.

CD Explosion

Wow. This really happens.

My son and I were re-installing an old copy of Midtown Madness 2 and we heard a loud bang. Couldn't get the door back open, so I took it apart and the CD was in at least one hundred pieces. I hadn't heard about this happening before so I figured he put the CD in wrong, but then it occurred to me that the thing had started to install so it had to be in correctly. After a little research we found out this really happens. Exploding CD's. Wow.

The unit itself doesn't seem to be damaged, although I haven't tried to write anything on it. Huh.

I think though at some point I may have said to him "You must have put the CD in wrong. CD's just don't explode for no reason." Well, yes they do. He was relieved when I told him that. Dad was wrong...sorry.

Meet The Merkelson's

I promised you a preview of what's to come on the new That Damn Podcast and here it is. First, a little backstory.

Since I was a little kid, I've been messing around with tapes and doing recordings. I fell in love with Firesign Theatre, the old National Lampoon records, as well as old time radio shows. I was never far from my portable cassette recorder, then reel to reel, finally DAT and digital. I absolutely loved doing this stuff. Oddly enough, I had to teach myself how to draw and do comics and that's always been work, you know? But doing voices, and recording stuff, that's always been the thing that comes easily. But as I came of age and had the oppotunity to do this stuff, spoken word recordings sort of fell out favor. FM radio was music and AM became talk radio and sports. The age of the comedy album had passed. But now things are starting to change. Satellite radio, looking for programs to fill hundreds of channels, and perhaps more importantly, pocasting, digital downloads and stuff like that mean the audience for this type of entertainment is growing again. And so I decided to crank up the old equipment and see what happened.

And the result was my decision to launch That Damn Podcast.

Today's preview clip is a bit called "The Merkelson's." The idea was re-create the sound, music, voices and feel of a 40's era radio show. It took quite a bit of tweaking to get the sound just right. I want you to think you're sitting in front of an old radio listening to this program.

http://youdamnkid.com/sr_themerkelsons.mp3

"The Merkelson's" will just be a small part of the upcoming podcast, but it was the hardest to do. I hope you enjoy it!

That Damn Podcast

I'm pleased to announce that next Sunday will be the release of my latest endeavor, That Damn Podcast! TDP will be mostly comedy bits, featuring characters from different YDK comics, as well as a few new things. You'll get to hear Uncle Mike and Aunt Rita, The Mr. Mintz Show, a short Banion bit and a new piece, The Merkelson's, an homage to old radio shows. There will also be new music as well. Sometime later this weel I'll be posting some previews here - exclusively on the blog-so you can get an idea of what the show will be about.

Heads Up

There are three ongoing storylines over at the comics site - and one of them is going to end badly.

Just a heads up.

A Significant Moment

I was watching Monty Python the other night when my eight your old came in the living room. He sat down next to me and we watched together. It's the first time he's ever seen it, but he liked it right away. He laughed at all the right times, and for the most part understood the British accents and the concepts. He roared at some of Terry Gilliam's cartoons. Yesterday he was humming "The Lumberjack Song" to himself. Tonight I'm going to show him the "Silly Walks" sketch.

For some parents, there's relief to find out that their kid is straight, or good at athletics or whatever. For me, it's finding out he "gets" Python.

Glee.

Stuff...

I've scrapped plans for the Banion radio show...because instead I'm working on a Banion animated short. I got my hands on some animation software and decided to give it a go. Yeah, I know everyone is doing flash but I don't have the time to learn it properly to do what I want to do, so we're going to do it old school. I was inspired watching old "Dick Tracy" cartoons - remember those? "Dick Tracy calling Joe Jitzu!" Each episode will contain a little tag at the end, a visit with "The Banion Jr. Detective Gang." For those who need to catch up, it's based on the Banion character that appeared in the original Beevnicks. Actually, I haven't read through the Beevnicks archives since they originally came out. I have a horrible memory when it comes to stuff I've written, so when I go back to read it after a few years it's like it's all new new to me. And I really liked some of that old Beevnick stuff. Some of it was kind of out there - storylines that got silly and such, but I think they are some of the best characters I've written. Oh well, maybe...(Ah, the curse of the Gemini. Make up your mind, man!)

Anyway, updating four different comics while starting an animation project, plus some music stuff I've got going on, can lead to no sleep and some weird health fallouts. I'm trying to organize my time better but it's not easy. (And of course there's that big YDK thing over at Fox, like you know, no stress there.)

Speaking of YDK, there will be a Sunday color strip that you won't want to miss. Suppose Jesus wanted to get out of the crucifixion thing, but he didn't want it to appear like that was what he was doing? Would there have been a way? Look for some religious imagery that will burn your corneas. Of course, it's always nice that the Catholics are a titch more tolerant than certain other fanatics when it comes to my depictions of the Gang Upstairs, otherwise yours truly would surely be hanging from the nearest lamppost probably missing a limb or two and headless to boot. Ah, but what price art?

And just as I type that a roll of thunder in the middle of a snowstorm. Time to go.

You know, because most of us have lives to lead...

The Fun Of Spectacular Failure

http://www.jsonline.com/sports/prep/feb06/389601.asp

The story of a recent girls high school basketball game, in which the the scoring record was broken for most points in a game, 113, by the star of the winning team. Much hand wringing and discussion over whether it was bad sportsmanship to leave her in and let her break the record against such a hopelessly overmatched team. The link above for more details, and you're welcome to comment on it, but I mention it because it reminded me of something that happened to me.

A few years ago, my oldest son was really into roller hockey. For those who don't know, roller hockey is similar to regular ice hockey only they play on roller blades instead of skates. This was an over 30 league, and my son played because there was a shortage of goalies in that age group and most of the teams used a kid from the teen leagues to mind the nets. My son would play with his age group on weekends, then on Tuesday nights he'd suit it up with the oldsters. Now, this was a no-contact, fun league, but like most organized leagues there were a few teams that took it way too seriously and considered the league their last chance to redeem a squandered youth that possibly could have ended up in the NHL . (yeah, ooookay). Anyway, it's important to note that in my younger days I also played goalie, but many years had passed since then. While I wasn't out of shape, there's a certain level of fitness (or youth) required to play goalie in any kind of league. Although the regular players wear much less padding and equipment than a ice hockey player might, goalies wear pretty much the same type of equipment as their ice hockey counterparts.

It was a league where all of the teams made the playoffs, the opening round pitting the best team against the worst, and this particular year my son was unavailable for the first round so I said "Hey, I used to play, I'll do it!" Realizing the team had no chance of winning the coach agreed to let me play. (There were two women in the league, both post menopausal, and they played for our team. This is not a knock on the hockey skills of post menopausal women, just, you know. When you have the golden girls in front of you facing a team of 30 something guys who practice three nights a week and are undefeated, well, I just want you to know what I was up against.)

It was 83 degrees at game time, a particularly warm and humid July night. It was even worse inside the rink, with no air conditioning, and here I am with about 20 pounds of equipment on. The puck dropped and the rout was on. It was one breakaway after another, and after 10 minutes we were down 8 -1 and it was dawning on me that I was seriously fucked. I could barely stand, and I could start to feel my legs buckling. The combination of the equipment, my state of conditioning, the heat and the fact that I was seriously under-hydrated had me thinking I will die tonight. But I refused to quit. It's that sick guy thing where we think it's better to be taken away in an ambulance than say "Uh, I can't do this."

At the end of the first period, the score was 9-2. There was only a five minute intermission between periods, so I had little time to recuperate. I skated over to my daughter, who had come with me to witness the massacre. (Which, of course, was another reason I couldn't quit. My daughter was there! Someday she'll have kids and tell them about the day grandpa died playing roller hockey!)

She had Gatorade and a bucket of ice. I drank as much as I could, and in a desperate attempt to snap me back to life, took the ice and stuffed it down my pants.

I started the second period on one knee when the play was out of my zone, which wasn't often. The good news was the ice was helping a bit. The bad news was the ice was shooting out of my pants while I was squirting around trying to make saves. Ice is usually a good thing in hockey, but as we were playing on rollerblades in a roller rink ice was a bad thing. Players were slipping and complaining, and one even skated over to me and asked about it and I said I thought someone in the crowd had thrown it in the rink. (I wasn't going to admit it was me, was I?)

I spent the most of the second period on my knees and at the end the score was 14-4.

The captain of our team knew something was seriously wrong as the third period started and he kept asking if I was okay. (I'm fine, why?) About five minutes in I feel like throwing up. I am very close to becoming one of those people in a triathalon staggering across the finish line covered in my own urine, feces and vomit. The captain comes over. Let me call a timeout, he pleads. No.

16-5. 17-5. 18-5. 18-6. 19-6.

Just as I'm about to pass out, I hear the other team talking. "Let's get twenty and then we'll let up."

At that moment a fire was lit. It had stopped being about winning a long time ago, but now I had a chance at a moral victory. Stop them from scoring twenty! Suddenly I got a second wind, I stood up, whacked myself awake with a sharp stick blow to my goalie mask, and hunkered down. You will not score twenty.

Two minutes to go, they break out fast out of their zone. They fly past the defense and are bearing down on me. Two on none break-a-way. I glide out to cut down the angle. As they come in, there passing the puck back and forth like pros, and a third guy comes in from the side. I'm skating backwards to the net, and I'm seeing everything. I think I even see one of the guys look at the other as if to say, whoa, he's acting like a real goaltender.

Let them make the first move. Don't commit. Hold your ground. Then I see it...I know what's going to happen. That third guy coming down the side, he's going to get the shot. So I overplay the middle and left side, leaving the right side of the goal open, and sure enough, the guy on the left gets real big eyes and he gently places his stick down. The trick for me is to wait as long as I can, and no matter what I see, commit to my play. The guy with the puck dekes a shot to get me to go down but that's my cue to snap over to the guy on the right side. Sure enough, he passes the puck over just as I slide over, stack the pads and block the shot.

The crowd made the sound crowds make when something totally unexpected happens, kinda like a rolling "whoa!"

Problem was, I left the rebound loose, it's just laying there, and there's a fourth guy barreling down. It's only a foot away, but I was completely spent and couldn't move my arms quickly enough.
Player four scooped it up and flipped it in the back of the net.

Final score, 20 -7. Yeah, they got twenty, but I had my moment. I had a fun ride home with my daughter, because sometimes it's better to fail spectacularly than to fail just a little bit.

Anyway, I was thinking of this when I read about the poor girls who got slaughtered in that basketball game. Pick your spot, make your stand and then have a laugh afterward.

Pink Panther movie...um, why?

The title about says it all. Shouldn't there be some kind of unwritten rule about remakes? It seems utterly unnecessary, given the fact that Peter Sellers was, well Peter Sellers and I don't see how you could do it better, or come off as anything but a Peter Sellers imitation. Is the well that dry? Are there no ideas?

Now, I'm always criticizing people who rip movies before they come out, my philosophy being see the damn thing before you comment on it so perhaps I'm violating my own rules here. However, my criticism is not of the movie but the decision to do it.

Also note that in the ads for the film they mention it as being "from the director of Cheaper By The Dozen" as if that's going to make you stand up in your living room and proclaim, "oh, now I'm definitely going to see that!"

If You'll Indulge A Dad...

My three year old Adam loves to draw. Draw, color, paint, you name it - he's at it from dawn til dusk. He knows how to use a lightbox and he knows the basics of photoshop. (Enough to fix the "outside the lines" parts)

Anyway, one morning while I was uploading my comics he said "When you're done we'll have to put my drawings on my website." I figured, why not? So I set up a page on owendunne.com for him, and so we put up his drawings and emailed his relatives to come visit. Now, when he's done with a drawing that's he's particularly pleased with, he'll say "This is one for the website!"

He's a remarkable little boy. He has quite a vocabulary for a three year old - yesterday he used the word "delectable" (correctly) and can turn a colorful phrase when you least expect it. After an argument with his older brother, he said he "...was more than mad. I'm foot stompin' mad!"

Anyway, if you'd like to check out his website, it's located here.

No, thank you...

Every once in awhile I'll get an email from someone serving in the armed forces over in Iraq, or Afghanistan, or somewhere not very pleasant doing things that aren't very pleasant. Their emails are always thoughtful and well written, usually thanking me for providing a diversion for a few moments because they enjoy my comics.

That always gets me. Thank me? I'm just sitting in my den, writing my silly words and drawing my funny pictures. I'm not dodging mortar fire or worried about land mines and roadside bombs. Cuz believe you me, if there was live ammunition of any kind involved in cartooning there would be no YDK or any other comic I do.

No matter your thoughts on Iraq, the fact is that we have to have an army, there has to be people who volunteer to do these things so the rest of us don't have to. Once, in my early teens, I said to my dad "If you and mom would have had me sooner I'd have my driver's license by now." Dad smiled and said, "yeah, and you'd have gone to Vietnam, too."

Uh uh. I'll wait.

So as the title of this little ditty says, no...thank you.

I'm Sorry, My Dad's Not Home...

I've signed up for all the "Do Not Call" lists, yet still the phone rings.

I'm not a phone guy. Unless it's a relative or a close friend, or someone calling with good news, I want nothing to do with the phone. One, I just don't like talking to people I don't know, and two, I'm bad at saying no. So when they call asking for donations to this that or the other thing, I'm more likely than not to say yes, even though I don't want to. For example, a major charity called a few weeks ago asking if they could count on me for a pledge of $40.00. More specifically, they said "Mr. Dunne, we know we can count on you this year. Can we put you down for a pledge of $40?" So already, if I say no, I'm letting people down. They're counting on me! Okay, yeah, go ahead.

Let me note that the only reason I even answer the phone is because I have kids in school, and I'm assuming the one time I don't answer is when the school is actually calling for something.

Anyway, so I agree to this and a few days later the pledge card arrives in the mail. Now, it's just after Christmas and there are bills to pay so I set it aside, fully intending on honoring my commitment, just not that freaking second. Five days later I get a call from the charity, reminding me about my pledge and wondering if I could please send that in. Now, this annoys me slightly, because I have to answer the stupid phone again and there was a sort of credit card collection tone to the woman's voice. Pissed off, the pledge goes to the bottom of my "to be paid" pile. Four days later another call. At five minutes to nine. (I was expecting a different person. Although I beg and plead with people to please use my cell number, they don't.)

Then, on three consecutive nights, phone calls from the same charity leaving messages on my answering machine.

Okay, now, you're getting nothing. The pledge card has met the shredder.

I should note that at one point I asked if there was a way to pay online. It's a major charity and, well, 2006. She reacted as if I had asked to pay with holographic coins.

Their latest tactic, and I've noticed this a lot among telemarketers, is to use your first name as if they know you. I'll answer and they'll say "Owen?" I'll say yeah, thinking it's someone I know, and then they launch into the pitch. My newest technique is to wait until they're a few seconds in, then I'll say "Oh no, I'm Owen Jr. I think you want my dad." I'll get all teenage and nasally.

I used this technique the last time the charity called. After I told them I was Owen Jr., I told them that my dad wouldn't be able to call them back for awhile because he was in the hospital with the very disease they were collecting for.

Now, I only hope I haven't seriously fucked myself up, karma-wise. But they ain't calling anymore.

Interesting Statistics

Now that my front page on the web site is more of a portal to the strips, I can get a better idea of who reads what. After doing some extrapolating and wand waving, I've determined the following...

You Damn Kid is read by 91% of the visitors to the site
Norman is read by 80%
My New Mommy is read by 76% (That's pretty good for a new strip. Don't suppose it has to do with boobies, huh?)
Nippleshine is read by 62%

It's interesting to note that although NM is the least read, it's readers are the most vocal about demanding new strips.

Anyway, just some fun facts.

Cable Ratings

I think it's funny that the two of the highest rated programs on basic cable, on a consistent basis, is professional wrestling and SpongeBob Squarepants. Given all the choices available to the basic cable subscriber, fake fighting and an animated show about a talking sponge are the favorites. Now, I'm not knocking SpongeBob - I'm a fan myself - but we're talking about episodes that been repeated hundreds of times. It's just funny.

I think of this every time I see Anderson Cooper on CNN or Keith Olbermann on MSNBC trying sooo hard to be hip. Guys, you could triple your numbers and still not touch SpongeBob's ratings. If it were Edward R. Murrow, Walter Cronkite or David Brinkley anchoring the cable news shows, and doing the kind of news they used to do, this situation would bother me. But as it stands, these numbers seem to be valid and correct, and as they should be.

The New Site Is Going Up...

...and will probably be full of problems and bad links and stuff. If you see anything, let me know.

Jethro...trend setter?

According to this article in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, Jethro's hat has become fashionable.

Clippy clappy indeed.

A Sneak Peak...

Think 60's style sitcom meets modern day storytelling...

Coming Attractions

So here's some of what you can expect when I launch the new website on Wednesday...

First of all, the comics updating will be YDK, of course, Norman Function, Nippleshine Manor and something new called My New Mommy. I haven't decided on a set schedule yet, but my plan is to have fresh content everyday. In fact, there will be a little spot on the corner noting the consecutive days of on-time updates. (Yes, I'm fully aware of my reputation. 2006 is my start over.)

YDK will update three days a week. Two regular b/w strips and a big color one on Sundays. Norman will become less gag a day and more story oriented. It starts with Norman, his little brother Albert and O'Toole The Foul-Mouthed Chicken moving in with Norman's grandmother, Nana Function.

Nippleshine Manor will be more or less the same, but eventually there will be more things happening outside the estate.

My New Mommy is really an outgrowth of The Beevnicks. But it's sick and twisted and dark and all the good things you've come to expect from me. I'll have a handful of strips at the start to give you a backstory as to what the strip is all about.

One more big thing, that I'm really excited about, is something called YDK Radio Theatre. It's an homage of sorts to old time radio shows. With satellite radio and podcasting it seemed a natural, and it's something I've always wanted to do. I've got a nifty audio trailer I've done for it, and if the new computer gets here this weekend I'll put it up.

Coming later on, more original music, and hopefully an animated Norman short.

Whew. Time to get to work.

Geraldo...geez.

Let me say up front that the only reason I found myself watching "Geraldo At Large" is because I keep forgetting they've replaced the 10:30 pm "Seinfeld" reun. So there.

He's interviewing a relative of the one West Virginia miner who survived-just after she's discovered he is alive-and asks her "Is this a huge burden off your chest?"

Wow. I mean...wow. Is the fact that you've just learned on of your family members is not dead a good thing?

Now, this exchange gets replayed the following night, as Geraldo feels the need to recap a good portion of his show with everything that went on the night before. That's okay, the entire media was doing this all day yesterday. But I'm assuming that Geraldo - seeing as how his name is on the title and he probably has some kind of editorial control over his show - might have seen the clips they planned to run that evening. And I'm thinking, if it were me, or anyone with, I don't know, common sense might see that and say "don't use the clip of me standing there with a cell phone asking such an idiotic question."

I guess, um, not.

Do I Really Need A Forum?

I think more people posted comments to this blog in one day than have done so at the Keenspot forum in a year. That forum is pretty dead, has been for a while, so I'm wondering if it's even worth keeping. Since no one ever posts there, it gives the impression that YDK isn't that popular, but there's no correlation between the two. There are strips that don't have half the readership but hundreds of forum users. Can't I just use this? Or...something? Thoughts?

An Obituary, But Yeah, It's A Good Thing...

So, for starters, the old horse finally breathed it's last kilobite. On New Year's eve, I took apart the old boy, my Compaq 486, for a cleaning and to re-attach the sound card that had become loose. The back was filled with dustballs, grime and other odd little things, like a Teletubbies CD that one of the children must have physically pushed through the tiny space under the CD-ROM. I cleaned it up, put it all back together, and...nothing. We tried, but it was too late. Even when it was new it wasn't much of a computer, but it got me where I am, so, it's a bit sad. It was way back when, (97?) when I first tried to put a comic up on an AOL website. I then went to a place called usaserve.net, (I think) where I stayed until Keenspot launched in 2000. All the while my trusty Compaq was by my side, creaking and squeaking but always working. Now, you have to understand that I'm one of those people that will use something until it falls apart, literally. I can afford new sneakers, but I've worn pairs until there was no sole left on one of the shoes. The old boy has a cable modem but my speed is something closer to dial-up. So, yeah...dead. I salute you.

Anyway, what that means is that there will be a delay in the relaunch of the new website. The new computer is boxed and on it's way, with promises of many cool things. I'm looking at Wednesday, January 11 as the new date. And it will be cool. I'll be debuting something I've wanted to do for a long time, and I'm pretty excited. It's turning out very well. And, finally, I'll be able to do this full time. Starting January 11, youdamnkid.com and it's contents will be my job. I know there's been many false starts before, a lot of missed updates, etc. because life and the need for real income always intruded. Enough promises. It's up to me to convince you, and I'm looking forward to it.

Yeah, and a blog, too. (And a picture too! Do I look like you imagined?)